I was reading one of my favorite blogs today (http://dooce.com/) and I was both shocked and impressed with the level of candor that this author used to describe her battle with post partum depression. I can only image that it's a difficult topic, but instead of hiding the truth from her readers, Heather openly shares her struggles.
This got me thinking...What's the point of filtering the truth in order to create the allusion of a perfect life? I find it far more admirable to share the good and bad in an effort to be honest. It's also through the hard times that you learn the most important life lessons. What's so embarrasing about that?
So its with this new level of honesty in mind that I wanted to give an update on Connor. According to his doctor, he's been riding the developmental line for quite a while now. Before I explain, let me first tell you that the current trend in child development is very prescriptive. For example: ALL children should walk between 12-15 months. While I'm not here to debate the merits of this belief system, I will say that it leaves little room for individuality and does not at all consider "extenuating" circumstances like the one we faced with Connor.
If the doctor say's that Connor should be crawling between 9-12 months, then he'll start crawling at 11 months, 3 weeks and 2 days. Time and time again, he pulls it off just in the nick of time. Most recently he started walking only three days before his 15 month deadline (actually he was walking weeks before, but would only try it when he was holding onto someone - sounds more like a confidence issue than an ability issue).
Regardless, the doctor keeps threatening developmental delays. She's constantly saying things like "he's riding that line" and "we may want to consider further testing". It makes me furious because she's not taking into consideration that for the first five months of Connor's life we were completely focused on keeping him alive - leaving no time for development.
During the early months, Connor had to eat every 2-3 hours but at that time it was taking him 1.5 hours to finish a bottle. So it wasn't unusual for him to finish one meal only to get a 45 min break before starting the next meal. I'm not exagerating when I say that ALL he did for several months was eat and sleep. While other kids were playing/developing we were focused on keeping Connor out of the hospital.
The other thing that this very prescriptive view of child development doesn't take into consideration is family history. According to Ross's mom, half a dozen family members (from Ross himself, to uncles, cousins and neices) have all started walking at 15 months or slightly later. There's also a history of speech delays - another problem we're facing right now.
So to conclude this rant, I'm sick of hearing about developmental timelines. I whole-heartedly embrace individuality and I believe in my son and his ability to overcome. I know that Connor has had to fight through some very difficult circumstances and I commend him for his tenacity. He's had a rough start, but just like he's done with his weight gain - he will catch up.
As a side note: Neither Connor's teachers nor the occupational therapist we're seeing for his food texture issues are at all concerned about his development. They see him on a day to day or week to week basis and feel that he's progressing like a normal healthy child.
3 comments:
Unfortunately it's all part of the parenting thing that we all go through. And I can't even say that it gets easier with kid #2, #3, etc. Beyond the doctors (and there are some bad ones out there....been there done that with Kaitlynn), there are some VERY insensitive fellow parents out there. Both of my girls walked at OR after their 15-month birthdays, so Connor is actually ahead of them! Both of mine have been a little slow at all of those milestones but I refuse to put them under the microscope of "normal". You & Ross are AMAZING parents and you have nothing to worry about! Connor is growing into a young healthy little man and that is due in large part to your and Ross's efforts! Everyone else can eat it =)
Thanks for the words of encouragement Jenifer! When you and I were kids these milestone charts didn't exist. I wonder who's bright idea it was to throw individuality out the window?
I'm with you on that one sister!!! You & Ross, and only the 2 of you need to ask questions if you become worried. You know I absolutely LIE LIE LIE if they ask me some stupid question and I don't know the answer, just always say yes!!! Haha! You know, at one of those appointments, they asked me if Brooke was transferring objects from hand to the other (like a paci or rattle or something like that)....I just say yes and as soon as they left the room, I handed something to her to see. It kind of worried me for a second but then I realized, why would I be paying attention to something as mundane as that when I am looking for coos and smiles.....who cares?!? That seemed sooooo unimportant to me at the time (like 6 mos old or something) but the nurse worried me. Just keep in your mind that you are such an amazing woman and mother.....and yes Ross, you are an amazing daddy too =)
I will NEVER forget to include my sweet Ross again. I hope the girls and I can make it that way soon! My best friend lives there and has no kids, I can totally invade, hehe =)
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