Tuesday, February 26, 2008

One day - stupid people will rule the world.

What is it about pregnancy that makes you stupid? I have the same level of education now as I did before I got pregnant. If anything, I might be slightly more educated, especially considering the 9 months of medical training that my husband (the self-proclaimed OBGYN) has put me through. No joke, he literally quizzes me on the signs of labor. I guess he doesn’t want me to miss a baby coming out of my “whoha”. Regardless, this baby is sucking away all of my healthy brain cells and leaving my head filled with just the stupid ones.

Before I can give you some specific examples of my ever-growing stupidity, you have to understand the pre-pregnant Leia. Picture a person with an extreme type A personality, who maps out every waking minute and thinks it’s torture to sit still for two hours to watch a movie. Not only do I buzz through my day, efficiently mapping out everything from errands to grocery shopping but I also manage to minimize any “down time” with a quick work-out or a special project around the house.

Skip ahead 9 months, despite my ever-growing waste line, and the occasional foot in the rib, I feel like the same ole’ me. So why is it that carrying this extra passenger has caused me to do things like - get lost driving to work…I’ve driven to the same work location every day for a year now, yet on Monday I found myself driving past my office and taking an interchange exit that sent me in the complete opposite direction from where I needed to go.

Or – stealing someone else’s shopping cart at the grocery store…I reached into the meat cooler, grabbed a package of chicken, put it in “my” cart and then walked off. It wasn’t until I noticed a man chasing me down the isle (literally) that I realized I had stolen his cart full of groceries.

Or (my favorite) – yelling at Tanner for eating dog food out of his own bowl…One morning not long ago I was feeding the dogs. I put food in Tanner’s bowl then turned around abruptly when I heard him eating it and scolded him. For some strange reason in the few seconds after I fed him, my brain made me think he was stealing food out of Morgan’s bowl instead. He looked up at me with panic in his eyes and slowly began to spit the food out of his mouth piece by piece.

I’ve forgotten my cell phone at home and then been angry at Ross for not calling. At times, I forget where I am and where I need to be. I’ve walked up to the wrong car in the parking lot and wondered why my key didn’t work. All of this and the baby hasn’t even arrived yet. My friends tell me that it only get’s worse but how could it and better yet, why? I have no explanation for being stupid but for everyone reading this blog, if I was supposed to call you or we had lunch plans and I didn’t show – Please check up on me. Lord knows I need all the help I can get these days.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Holding pattern

Aside from the doc pulling a Benedict Arnold on us, the last few months have been pretty uneventful. The baby furniture is now assembled (to the best of my ability) and we are starting to accumulate the countless items that are apparently necessary to sustain life in the 21st century (will post updated nursery pics this weekend). It's amazing how many different products and blood suckers there are out there playing on your emotions and ill informed state of mind. Should we get the 5 point harness with the parachute and life support system or would the regular burp cloth be sufficient?? Some of these companies should be ashamed of themselves but $$ is $$. There are many great products out there so if you are expecting, I suggest you Google a baby essentials list and go with that before you end up taking out a second mortgage.

As I stated earlier, we had to start with a new doctor for the last few weeks of the pregnancy. His name is Dr. Villanueva. He is a very nice man and he is much more thorough than Leia's previous physician. While he is not the stud that makes most men uncomfortable when "examining" your spouse, he actually took the time to go over the test results from our previous visits that our other doctor never mentioned unless anything was abnormal. He's very professional and I think we are both going to be happy with the unexpected change. I did forget one gripe about the old doc. Ahole forgot to hit the RECORD button on the VCR when he was performing our last ultrasound. I had to pay $10 bucks for a VHS that is full of static. Okay.. that's the last of my complaining about that guy. The new doc is great. He's like a toned down version of Richard Simmons personality wise with a Latin influence. Leia disagrees but I find him entertaining.

As for the wife, she's just lovely! I am thinking about installing a few more toilets in random locations around the house b/c I think the ones we have are spread out a little too far. It's very easy to tell if she is nearby. All you have to do is listen for the nearest toilet tank filling back up. I do feel sorry for her though b/c one should not have to #1 every 15 minutes. Cruel and unusual punishment that would drive me absolutely crazy. The other entertaining part is the bedtime ritual of pillow arranging and negotiating. Well, not so much negotiating b/c she moves me as needed if she happens to like the pillow I am using. We are up to 8 pillows, 2 golden retrievers, 2 cats and 2 people in a king size bed. While this is a large bed, it's not the most comfortable of quarters at times. Leia's pillow fortress and the 140 lbs of dog make my side of the bed equivalent to that of a submarine bunk.

Other than that, everything is status quo. Just trying to keep Leia as comfortable as possible in these last few weeks. Sleep has become tough she's getting the aches and pains everyone has told us so much about so I'm just trying to help as much as possible and keep my mouth shut as necessary.

We are going to Fredericksburg tomorrow Feb 22 so Leia can take some maternity photos. It's the same photographer that did our wedding so hopefully these turn out as good as those did.

OH, new update. While I was complaining about baby products... we need to throw Sony Corp. in there too. They MADE me buy a video camera so I'll post some video on here soon. After the photography session Friday, we are headed to the beach for a quick "Babymoon" so hopefully we will have some good opportunities down there. It will probably just be the dogs swimming in the ocean but we may do some mullet hunting or something else productive like that. You never know what you'll get on the Texas coast!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

All hail the baby whisperer

While Ross and I are anxiously anticipating this baby’s arrival, I think it’s safe to say that we’re completely oblivious as to how our lives are about to change. The late night feedings, the diaper changes, the instant responsibility of being a parent. I think that’s the part I’m having the hardest time imagining. Me, as a parent - scary! What do I know about disciplining a child?

All I can say is that I’m so thankful that Ross (the self proclaimed baby whisperer) will be there to help me out. He has so much more experience with kids than I do. Not to mention that his calm, laid back personality usually diffuses my high-stress, warp-speed approach to life.

My past interactions with kids have been rocky, at best. With Ross’s family alone, there was the time when I playfully tried to swipe a crisp twenty dollar bill from his 8 year old cousin’s hand only to have it rip down the middle. I’ll never forget the look on his little face. It was just a game…right? Not to Reece. The “look” was telling me that I’d just ripped his heart out and stomped it on the floor. Luckily Ross’s mom came to rescue, just as I was trying to convince Ross to turn over his 401K to the kid, she handed him a new $20. And while Beth was able to save the day, I will forever be known at the “money ripper”.

Then there was the time that I joined his cousin and niece outside for a game of catch. They were in the front yard tossing the football back and forth, so in my attempt to be “cool aunt Leia”, I asked to join. However, my first toss ended in tragedy when the ball smacked Ross’s niece right between the eyes. Ugh – I can’t win!

So while it’s already been established that I’m NOT an expert on kids, I’m happy to have Ross there to talk me off the ledge until I can find my own method of parenting. There’s no single way of being a good parent. I really believe that the key is to find that method that works best for you and go with it. The hard part will be tuning out the unsolicited advice of people who mean well, or the strangers in public who feel that they can teach you a thing or two. Ultimately, I know that I’ll need to believe in my abilities to be the best parent possible. After that the confidence will come.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The truth about the OB/GYN

I had to write this blog in response to Ross’ analysis of the OB/GYN. It's true that in all of the stacks of magazines, there is nothing for him to read – he literally found a two-year old Sports Illustrated and was as excited as a kid on Christmas day. That excitement soon faded when he realized that it was outdated and missing more than ½ its pages. Also, it's true that he felt threatened by my super hot doctor. I can imagine that might be awkward for most men – no matter how secure they are in their marriage. Finally, it's true that he's taken countless hours off work to attend EVERY single doctor’s appointment. What a trooper!!

However, the part that he’s not telling you is that he’s been my glimmer of sanity throughout this entire process. Anyone who knows me understands that I am the most impatient person in the world…hands down. If the doctor is 20 min. late, then I’m already packing up my stuff and am ready to walk out of the office. My time is just as important as his time…right? Ok, I know this type of thinking is a little bit irrational, but I can’t help it.

Not only is Ross my companion during these appointments, but he’s also been my entertainment. He makes me laugh when I’m stressed about getting on the scale – taking off my shoes, socks, sunglasses…anything that will add another ounce to that damn scale.

He keeps me pre-occupied with stories, jokes and games when the doctor is delayed. They kept us waiting so long at our last appointment that we literally played charades in the examining room.

Ross has even been called on to hold my hand when they were taking blood for one of the many pre-natal tests they do to ensure the baby is developing properly. I’m terrified of needles and he was taking great pleasure in making fun of me. It wasn’t until I looked at him with all seriousness and said “hold my hand dammit” that he knew I wasn’t kidding.

While all of these things are nice, the most important thing Ross does for me by going to these appointments is…be there. Be there…for me, be there…for his un-born baby, be there…for all the new experiences that we’ll never be able to repeat. Oh sure, there will likely be another child eventually, but you can never recreate the feelings of joy and excitement that come with a brand new experience like this.